# 385: It's Not the Men. It's Who You Keep Choosing.

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/beat-your-genes-podcast-601101/385-it-s-not-the-men-it-s-who-you-keep-choosing
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/beat-your-genes-podcast-601101/385-it-s-not-the-men-it-s-who-you-keep-choosing.md
Podcast: [Beat Your Genes Podcast](https://stenobird.com/podcast/beat-your-genes-podcast-601101)
Published: 2026-06-26T15:25:00+00:00
Episode link: https://eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d.libsyn.com/e385-its-not-the-men-its-who-you-keep-choosing
Audio file: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/385_Audio.mp3?dest-id=3904317
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/beat-your-genes-podcast-601101/episodes/385-it-s-not-the-men-it-s-who-you-keep-choosing
Duration seconds: 4354

## Resource

A listener who knows evolutionary psychology well asks Dr. Doug Lisle a painful question. If men seem satisfied once they have food and sex, and never care about her inner life, is she fighting a losing battle against biology? His answer flips it. The problem was never the men. It was who she kept choosing. In this episode of the Beat Your Genes Podcast, evolutionary psychologist Dr. Doug Lisle and co-host Nathan Gershfeld work through two questions. In the first, Dr. Lisle uses David Buss research and his own decades of clinical conversations to explain why men will trade almost anything to get looks, why kindness outranks intelligence as the first trait both sexes seek, and why a woman who keeps ending up with men who are only three octaves deep is looking at her own evolutionary design, not a shortage of deep men. He lays out the piano octaves metaphor, the self awareness test sitting underneath the complaint, and what it would actually take to choose differently from the start. In the second question starting at 43:31, a 63 year old hyper conscientious vegan athlete is furious that her overweight friends are now thinner than her after six months on GLP-1 drugs. Dr. Lisle treats this as a problem of competitive status and esteem, not vanity, and walks through why losing a long held advantage in sexual attractiveness can land like an earthquake. He also shares his rule of thumb on drug side effects and why the wrong six friends may be the real source of the pain. Beat Your Genes is co-hosted by evolutionary psychologist Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD and Dr. Nathan Gershfeld, DC. New episodes every other week. Submit your question for Dr. Lisle at beatyourgenes.org and it may be answered on a future episode. Subscribe: youtube.com/@BeatYourGenes beatyourgenes.org Apple Podcasts…

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## Transcript

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