# 363: Too Anxious to Relax, Too Average to Admire?

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/beat-your-genes-podcast-601101/363-too-anxious-to-relax-too-average-to-admire
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/beat-your-genes-podcast-601101/363-too-anxious-to-relax-too-average-to-admire.md
Podcast: [Beat Your Genes Podcast](https://stenobird.com/podcast/beat-your-genes-podcast-601101)
Published: 2025-07-23T21:34:00+00:00
Episode link: https://eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d.libsyn.com/363-too-anxious-to-relax-too-average-to-admire
Audio file: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/BYG_363_Audio_v2.mp3?dest-id=3904317
Processing state: not_requested
JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/beat-your-genes-podcast-601101/episodes/363-too-anxious-to-relax-too-average-to-admire
Duration seconds: 3385

## Resource

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:00 Q1: Too neurotic to ever feel truly calm? 18:26 Recommending an expert in anxiety & OCD 31:55 Q2: If I think I'm a 7 but men treat me like a 3, who's right—me or evolution? 54:30 Final thoughts Q1: Dear Dr. Lisle, I'm a big fan of yours and have come to understand that a person's personality is defined by their genes. However, I feel like I cannot change my circumstances enough to be happy. I'm highly conscientious and highly neurotic and I find that this combination is making enjoying life difficult. I'm sensitive, anxious and I have OCD tendencies. I'm also sensitive to loud noises, uncomfortable clothes and clutter. I'm always trying to perfect and optimize everything. I feel like I'm intelligent enough to realize that I cannot stop bad things from happening from cancer to accidents to criminality, but my brain is still trying to figure it all out and I try to prepare myself for anything and everything. I have a great pair bond relationship, I'm happy with the people who are my friends and family, a nice enough home and an okay job. But I'm just so stressed and anxious most of the time. Is it possible that I'm so neurotic that I'm just always going to be somewhat anxious and cannot find the environment/lifestyle in this world that would somehow calm my nervous system down? I started going to therapy once again to try and find some techniques that would help and my new therapist seems to be a good person and intelligent, but a part of me just feels that I'm not going to find relief there other than just some acceptance when the therapist tells me something like "it is ok to be just who you are". She says that cognitive behavioral the…

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