# I Never Understood This Kind Of Love… Until I Had A Daughter

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Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/asiandadenergy-s-substack-podcast-7711112/i-never-understood-this-kind-of-love-until-i-had-a-daughter.md
Podcast: [AsianDadEnergy's Substack Podcast](https://stenobird.com/podcast/asiandadenergy-s-substack-podcast-7711112)
Published: 2026-05-11T19:45:00+00:00
Episode link: https://asiandadenergy.substack.com/p/i-never-understood-this-kind-of-love
Audio file: https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/197260723/7dd20317b12d706710c89d204e6c637c.mp3
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Duration seconds: 331

## Resource

Mother’s Day weekend took us to Pennsylvania to visit my parents. At some point during dinner at a fancy Chinese restaurant, an amusing but strangely revealing family intervention unfolded across the table. Two of the three most important women in my life joined forces against the third. My mother and my wife began criticizing the way I raise my eight-year-old daughter. According to my mother, I’m far too soft on her. She said I give in too easily, indulge her too much, and risk turning her into a spoiled, dissatisfied adult. My wife escalated the prosecution even further. She joked that if my daughter somehow climbed on top of my head and took a dump there, I would probably still smile and tell her she did a great job. And honestly? They’re probably not entirely wrong. But I also think they misunderstand why fathers become soft around their daughters. Because what a little girl gives her father is a kind of love many men go their entire lives without ever experiencing. Before the world hardens her, before social dynamics complicate everything, before adolescence introduces distance and self-consciousness, a young daughter often loves her father with complete sincerity. To her, he is a superhero. He is capable. He is safe. He can fix anything. He is the strongest person alive. And whether or not any of those things are objectively true almost doesn’t matter. What matters is that she believes it with her entire heart. That kind of trust changes a man. Especially because many men grow up learning that love is deeply conditional. You are valued for what you produce. For how much pressure you can absorb. For how useful you are. For how much suffering you can quietly endure without complaining. The modern workplace sharpens this instinct even further. Spend enough years in…

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