# 83 - The Real Reason You Can't Control Your Anger (It's Not What You Think)

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/anger-management-7096541/83-the-real-reason-you-can-t-control-your-anger-it-s-not-what-you-think
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/anger-management-7096541/83-the-real-reason-you-can-t-control-your-anger-it-s-not-what-you-think.md
Podcast: [Anger Management](https://stenobird.com/podcast/anger-management-7096541)
Published: 2026-05-31T18:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://angersecrets.com/83-the-real-reason-you-cant-control-your-anger-its-not-what-you-think
Audio file: https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/c040a979-e50b-4dea-a697-957d07570dfb.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/anger-management-7096541/episodes/83-the-real-reason-you-can-t-control-your-anger-it-s-not-what-you-think
Duration seconds: 607

## Resource

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com . In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the real reason your anger feels uncontrollable, and why the answer is rarely about the person or situation in front of you. Whether it is a partner who says the wrong thing, a child who ignores you or a stranger who cuts you off in traffic, Alastair walks through why the same trigger can send you over the edge one day and barely register the next. Rather than offering generic advice, Alastair shares three practical steps that build on each other and address the root of the problem, not just the surface. And the good news is these are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice. Key Takeaways: Your anger is not caused by what happens to you. It is caused by what you think about what happens to you. Change the thought, and the reaction changes with it. Your body knows you are angry before your mind does. Learning to notice your early warning signs, a tight jaw, a racing heart, a shift in your thoughts, gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate. Beneath the surface of most anger is a rigid belief. Beliefs about fairness, respect, and what you deserve. Once you can see the belief clearly, you can begin to question it, and when the belief shifts, the pattern of anger shifts with it. Active listening is one of the most powerful tools in any relationship. When someone feels truly heard, defensiveness drops and real conversation becomes possible. These are skills, not fixed parts of who you are. With practice, catching anger earlier, examining your beliefs, and communicating calmly will all become more natural. Resources & Next Steps: If you are ready to understand what is really driving your anger an…

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## Transcript

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