# E 370: Tammy's Takes #45: What If They Misunderstand You?

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/adult-child-of-dysfunction-6619234/e-370-tammy-s-takes-45-what-if-they-misunderstand-you
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/adult-child-of-dysfunction-6619234/e-370-tammy-s-takes-45-what-if-they-misunderstand-you.md
Podcast: [Adult Child of Dysfunction](https://stenobird.com/podcast/adult-child-of-dysfunction-6619234)
Published: 2026-09-12T08:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://adult-child-of-dysfunction.captivate.fm/episode/misunderstood
Audio file: https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/20c92b49-5a0c-499e-bf95-3665867e682f.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/adult-child-of-dysfunction-6619234/episodes/e-370-tammy-s-takes-45-what-if-they-misunderstand-you
Duration seconds: 620

## Resource

Have you ever set a boundary... and then immediately felt the need to explain it? And then explain your explanation? Maybe you soften what you said, send another text, replay the conversation for hours, or start wondering whether you did something wrong. For many adult children of dysfunctional families , being misunderstood doesn’t just feel uncomfortable. It can feel unsafe. In this week’s Tammy’s Takes , I build on one powerful idea from my conversation with Nima Rahmany: “Learn how to expand your capacity to be misunderstood.” That stopped me. Because so many of us grew up learning to monitor everyone else’s moods, reactions, and opinions. We became experts at reading the room, keeping the peace, people pleasing, explaining ourselves, and making sure everyone else was okay. Eventually, another person’s perception of us can become connected to our own sense of safety. So when someone is disappointed in us, disagrees with us, or thinks we're selfish, our immediate response can be: “I need to fix this.” But do you? In this episode, we explore the difference between healthy communication and overexplaining from fear . I talk about why someone being disappointed in your boundary doesn’t automatically mean your boundary is wrong, why repairing a relationship is very different from abandoning yourself to save it, and how self-trust begins to grow when you stop needing everyone else to agree with your choices. I’ll also give you one question to start asking yourself when you notice that urge to explain: “Am I explaining because this information is actually necessary... or because I’m afraid of what they’ll think about me if I don’t?” Healing isn't about becoming someone who doesn't care what anyone thinks. It's about becoming grounded enough in who you are that someone els…

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## Transcript

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