# People Pleasing & ADHD: When "Yes" is a Nervous-System Response and How to Stop with Anita Sandoval, LPC - EP 555

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/adhd-rewired-170907/people-pleasing-adhd-when-yes-is-a-nervous-system-response-and-how-to-stop-with-anita-sandoval-lpc-ep-555
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/adhd-rewired-170907/people-pleasing-adhd-when-yes-is-a-nervous-system-response-and-how-to-stop-with-anita-sandoval-lpc-ep-555.md
Podcast: [ADHD reWired](https://stenobird.com/podcast/adhd-rewired-170907)
Published: 2025-08-11T08:00:00+00:00
Episode link: http://www.adhdrewired.com/555
Audio file: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/adhdbrainpod/People_Pleasing_and_ADHD.mp3?dest-id=184301
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/adhd-rewired-170907/episodes/people-pleasing-adhd-when-yes-is-a-nervous-system-response-and-how-to-stop-with-anita-sandoval-lpc-ep-555
Duration seconds: 2701

## Resource

People-pleasing isn't a personality flaw—often it's a nervous-system strategy. Licensed Professional Counselor and ADHD-CCSP Anita Sandoval joins Eric to unpack how the fawn response shows up with ADHD, trauma, and RSD; how it differs from masking and conflict avoidance; and what real change looks like. We cover Anita's "Empower → Resilient → Authentic" model, ADHD-friendly EMDR adaptations, and the messy-but-worth-it work of boundaries (including with narcissistic family dynamics). Resources, Anita's links, and a quick survey about a potential evening coaching group are in the full notes at ADHDreWired.com. Guest: Anita Sandoval, LPC-S, EMDR-Certified, ADHD-CCSP — therapist, supervisor, and author of Broken Chains (English & Spanish). Host of Empowering Women in Conversations and creator of Empower Her Pathways. We cover: People-pleasing as a neuro-adaptive response (fight/flight/freeze/fawn) People-pleasing vs. conflict avoidance vs. masking ADHD & RSD: why "neutral" feedback stings and how regulation shifts it Differentiating from personality disorders (dependent/BPD) Hypervigilance, ACEs, and emotional regulation circuits Boundaries with narcissistic dynamics (including the "victim narcissist" pattern) Anita's staged model (Stages of Change × grief work): Unaware → Aware → Ready → Action → Maintenance → Integration (Empowered → Resilient → Authentic) Therapies that help ADHD brains: EMDR with resourcing, IFS/parts work, polyvagal-informed regulation Eric's EMDR story: from trigger spirals to co-regulation Try this: Notice your next automatic "yes." Ask: Is this aligned with my values, or is my nervous system chasing safety? Then practice one tiny boundary this week and track before/during/after. Resources mentioned: Anita Sandoval — anitasandoval.com (course: Empow…

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