# Self-Help Without Other People Is Just Selfish — and Here's the Science to Prove It | Dan Harris

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/10-happier-with-dan-harris-839823/self-help-without-other-people-is-just-selfish-and-here-s-the-science-to-prove-it-dan-harris
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/10-happier-with-dan-harris-839823/self-help-without-other-people-is-just-selfish-and-here-s-the-science-to-prove-it-dan-harris.md
Podcast: [10% Happier with Dan Harris](https://stenobird.com/podcast/10-happier-with-dan-harris-839823)
Published: 2026-08-07T07:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://05620661-2103-4fe0-9ab9-92bfc4d9cf22.libsyn.com/self-help-without-other-people-is-just-selfish-and-heres-the-science-to-prove-it-dan-harris
Audio file: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pscrb.fm/rss/p/mgln.ai/e/35/traffic.libsyn.com/secure/05620661-2103-4fe0-9ab9-92bfc4d9cf22/20260804_TPHP_92Y_AUDIO_Mastered_AudioVersion.mp3?dest-id=4933335
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Duration seconds: 3330

## Resource

Dan doesn't usually sit in the interviewee's chair — but when journalist and author Allison Gilbert invited him to speak at the 92nd Street Y as part of their Connected Lives series, he said yes. What followed was one of the more wide-ranging conversations Dan has had about his own practice, his own anxieties, and why he's become convinced that inner work divorced from relationships is just selfishness dressed up as self-care. The evening also included a guided loving-kindness meditation — metta practice — that Dan led live with the audience. They talked about: Why Dan thinks the meditation world's PR problem has shifted — it's no longer "this is weird hippie stuff," it's "I get it, but I personally can't do it" The upward spiral: how taking care of your mind improves your relationships, which improves your inner weather, which improves your relationships further — and the "toilet vortex" that runs in the opposite direction Free-range mindfulness: why brushing your teeth or standing in a grocery line can rewire your brain just like formal seated practice The self-compassion toolkit — Kristin Neff's three-step practice, distanced self-talk, and why putting your hand on your heart is "cheesy as f*ck" but actually works Joseph Goldstein's single best question for breaking an anxiety loop: "Is this useful?" Why micro-interactions — with your doorman, your barista, a stranger on the elevator — are one of the most underrated sources of happiness Allison Gilbert is a journalist, author, and the creator of The Joy of Connections, a book and companion app designed to help people build more meaningful relationships. She writes and speaks about human connection, grief, and resilience. Learn more at allisongilbert.com . Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free n…

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## Transcript

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